I have just gotten back from watching Notorious the story of Biggie Smalls. And I was quite taken with the sex scenes of him and L’l Kim. Titaay and everything. It was the only time everyone was quiet in the theatre. There was some questionable bitches in the back row that kept on rapping all the effing songs. They so got on my nerves. I felt like taking their hoop earrings and squeezing them through it like a hula hoop. But, I digress, back to the titays…I thought it was so typical that when she (L’il Kim) asked him to switch positions (for him to go on top) that he said no and she had to keep on keeping on. And it reminded me of a past time that I like to play.

I always try to picture certain couples who come together doing it. Just the ones that look as if they are somehow going to face challenges. For instance short girls with tall basketball players. Now, when I look at Eva Longoria Parker I always chuckle to myself  on her strange bedfellow-her man, Tony. I bet she only sees his chest the whole entire time. Think about it. If you you even try to average out dick placement, factor in chest location AND vagina location the equation equals out a whole lot of chest for Eva. And since she lives in California all she is getting is a whole lot of sweat from his chest. But, then she probably has central air, so maybe the occasional bead of sweat. And then if she pleasures him she has to first climb down and then climb back up to kiss him and then go back down to pleasure him. If I had to work that hard during sex then I would have to call the whole thing off. So maybe Eva just stays down there, No? Cause honey, ain’t no woman’s arms and hands that long. NO WAY!

But, what about Brad and Angelina. You know that they are all freak and dinks so you know that they probably have a mirror above the bed. So their sex life is probably stop and go. Stop and go. Each one taking turns on the bottom so that they could primp in the mirror (I know I do, but that’s another story). But, then again Angelina is so bony and limber that she probably just stays on top and leans back, waaay back.

What about if you find yourself with a football player. Some of those guys weigh up to 350 pounds and more. And they always marry them skinny minnies. And I have to think the worst thing of doing a larger man is how far apart your legs have to spread if you are on top. Nuff far! I mean momma knew that I could never do the splits. My sister did it waaay better so how in the world can I do it now.  I know some of you out there would holla at me and say anything during sex is possible, but I beg to differ.  Even if you serve up a fine specimen of penis on a platter with apples, oranges, pears and plums, even kiwis surrounding it; there is no adrenaline gonna make me able to spread them that far. So at times you fell like you are straddlin’ a horse and other times you feel like you are straddlin’ a rhino.  Come to think of it the whole time I would keep looking over my shoulder waiting for the judges to be holding up placards with 10 10 and 9.5 on it. I would feel like I was in the Olympics being a top gymnast.

Lastly, suppose you are doing a geriatric like say ummwho can I put here as an example…-George Clooney! The amount of back surgeries he’s had and the age thing at this point may mean nothing to you. I know that it would mean shit to me too. You know that you probably already have to ride on top (I even read somewhere that President Kennedy made all of his trollops ride on top due to his back; the man even wore a girdle for his back. Riiiight!).  And this is the only time when sexing an old person is okay cause he is so pretty to look at. Man Pretty. But, be careful. You will still wear yourself out cause you are going to be so distracted by his looks that you may forget to orgasm and have to do the deed over and over again.

Next time I will draw from personal experiences. And it will be a doozy, well at least to my mother. And as I sign-off my pets, don’t forget what Ms. L always says it is only the crazy people who carry the good pills.

All Contents Copyright 2008-2010. lucresialinton.com All Rights Reserved. Visit my two love sites like no other-Adonisunited.com-where gods and goddesses reign supreme and Jazznymph.com -where Jazz Lovers Come To Play