My word!!! I shant not lie! So I had an appointment for a mammogram. And I was waiting and waiting. And if I wasn’t focusing on waiting then I was praying . I felt so uneasy. I just kept on going over and over in my mind all that I still wanted to do. I wanted to release my first major album, move to the Paris, buy an apartement, participate in a fivesome. Okay not the last one, but you get the deal, my mind was occupied!

So finally they called my name and I had to sit in one of the booths and was told to take off my bra and top and leave everything on. So I took off what she said and waited inside the booth. You wouldn’t believe what I overheard….

Okay the x-ray tech was like “Mr. Wilson. I told you did not have to take off your pants and top. We are only x-raying your hand.”

Or the best one was-”Okay Mrs. Keele please take off your top and your bra and leave on everything else”

And this old lady voice replied shakily,”Dear I don’t wear a bra.”

And the tech goes,”Alright then. Okay, you go ahead with that.” I don’t even know how I would answer that!

Anyways, so finally my name was called and I was told to bring my purse with me. So I followed this cute little brunette in the room. So I stood in front of the machine and I had to stand still, as she took my heaving breasts on top of the glass slide. And I guess we were the same height, but she was struggling as if it was a puppy sensing it was about to have a bath. She pulled at it as if it had a no life; as if I wasn’t attatched to it. And then I had to curve my arms over in a special way over the machine.

And on top of all that I had to hold my breath.

So then the machine kept on friggin up. And I was told that my breasts were so big. Or maybe it was the machine, but she was pissed cause there was no one else to help her. The woman had to do each titty like 5 times. I am so not lying! Slippety slip they both went. She pushed and pulled and prodded my big ole tittys into the thing AND then the machine would go down. And then I looked down and there they were squished like a pancake. It hurt-like I was breast-feeding a big grown 30 year old man!

Fed up, the girl dropped the boob.

Then I was left in the room, alone to contemplate life as she went to see if she had to adjust the machine more to accomodate my big ole tittays. But, no she came back and led me back to my booth. And on my way out I saw my breast film on the lightbox-all amplified. They looked hot! Larger than life! I actually got tingles. I was like my tittays look so good even on the inside.

Girl, shut-up!

No seriously they looked so good! But, don’t think that any of this is light to me. I just have to keep it light and positive. I lurve my breast and I plan to show them off more in the future GOD willing!

And so in the end, I have to think about the moral of the story which is not only does the crazy people carry the good pills, but don’t ever pass on a box of cracker jacks, cause you never know what prize you are going to get. Especially while you are on the pills. And make sure that the pills are good, too. And now I am off to my the doctor tomorrow to open my legs. No surprise there. And if the nurse is there, it would be a threesome with little to no effort.

I’m just saying.

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