“Cocaine Is Not Habit Forming. I Should Know – I Have Been Using It For Years,” said the infamous Tallulah Bankhead.

Tomorrow marks Secret Lesbian Month.

Okay, I made it up, but I think that for every one “out” lesbian there are at least 50 closeted ones- famous and not so famous.

So throughout this month I will cover secret lesbians, their relationships and the beards too. So women, if you feel your front tingle, then you may have to question yourself, and men, well, we know that your reading about any muff on muff action will leave you tingly, anyways!  Either way, I feel that both sexes will be able to relate. As you know, my possums, there is a lot of ways to love and more that one way to fry fish.

I love lesbians.

But, I love closeted lesbians more.

Why?

The rush of secrecy, the side way glances, the brush of the bush, and the allure of hush hush kitty.

What’s not to love?

It was a well-known fact that in certain social circles back in the 1920’s, a lot of the actresses of that time were lesbians. They felt no way of coming out to their close friends and co-workers, but obviously not to the public. The Studios were beginning to churn out starlets in droves back then and there was a lot of solidarity amongst the acteurs. Female solidarity! Sounds like some of the Queens of today non? What a shame, but what to do. It none of our business about your sexual life. Well, I like to make it my business, you know how I do, but some people, like Miss Ellen have the courage and the support to come out. Other Queens don’t. But, we should not hold it against any Queens cause being a Queen La-…is a lot of work.

But, I digress.

So when I came across Miss Tallulah Bankhead, secret lesbian extraordinaire, I had to write about her.

“My father warned me about men and booze… but he never said anything about women and cocaine”.

Mine too!

Miss Tullulah was stunning to say the least. There is the heart-shaped face and the itty bitty tiny tittays a la Kate Hudson. The almond shape of her eyes and the heaviness of its lashes reminds us of Miss Bette Davis. The short bob of a Lana Turneresque hair. And her last name did not have the word “bank” for nothing. Miss Bankhead was rich and loaded! But, she never acted stuffy! Miss Tullulah was known to use her riches to support her friends in their dreams. She always knew that she could rely on daddy’s money if needed, but she never did. She always knew that she had the looks and the talent to lean on if she needed to land an acting gig.

It was during this time she began to use cocaine and marijuana. But, she was already known as a “party” girl way before then. Miss Bankhead loved sex y’all! And plenty of it. She was also known to make a lot of outlandish comments. Once, while in attendance at a party, a guest made a comment about rape, and Miss Tallulah replied, “I was raped in our driveway when I was eleven. You know darling, it was a terrible experience because we had all that gravel.”

In 1933, Miss Tullulah nearly died following a five-hour emergency hysterectomy for an advanced case of gonorrhea (yeah that would do that to you!), which she claimed she contracted from the actor Gary Cooper^! Weighing only 70 pounds when she left the hospital, she proclaimed to her doctor, “Don’t think this has taught me a lesson!”

Don’t you just love her!

Before she died, close friends gathered around her at the hospital. She struggled to speak. Her last coherent words were “Codeine… bourbon.”

I plan these to be my last words to!

That and “bury…me…with…my…money!”

My, my, my we have more in common than I thought!

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