I love me some Moss.

Always.

So, while I was languishing under my doctor’s care, and at the time making a pit stop in my zebra-filled bathroom, I  looked down at my bamboo basket that is filled with new and vintage magazines and saw Kate Moss smoldering back at me.

While I was in the hospital, I heard that Miss Moss made a little comment in an interview with fashion tribe Women’s Wear Daily.

Miss Moss reminded us all that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

Top Drawer!

And although, she designs for Topshop which caters to A LOT of young girls, I can see why everyone is in a tizzy.

People shouldn’t make comments like this because they have impressionable readers.

Impressionable readers like moi!

So, since I have been impressed upon, I have added a new dimension to my diet. I have named it…get ready for it…..

THE KATE MOSS DIET!

But of Course!

I have lost already 3 pounds on it. I don’t care if it is water weight or real poundage, but I don’t care! It has gone and flew out my butt!

Try it!

It works!

I went to the local pastry shop, okay it was Tim Horton’s, but “pastry shop” sounds so illustrious, non? Anyhoo, I went to one and ordered a small bagel and suddenly got a craving for a donut. When all of the sudden I thought to myself, “this donut will not taste as good as skinny feels.” And it worked! It reminded me that this jelly-filled monstrosity will go directly through my belly and stay there! And even though the Counter Lady threw me a dirty look, I did not care I was one more step to my skinny jeans!

And Possums, I didn’t stop there!

I had dinner at my mother’s house and she tried something new-meatloaf. I know. I know. How common is meatloaf? Ask around, not common in a Cuban/Jamaican’s house, for sure!  So, when my mother asked why wasn’t I touching her meatloaf and I told her that her food would not taste as good as skinny feels. Not, only did she start an argument with me, but that with my father, who suddenly proclaimed to her as well, that this meatloaf, which is quite suspect to him, probably does not taste as good as skinny feels as well. And then my brother. And then my sister. But, not my sister’s child Dante.

Dante is like Mickey.

He eats everything!

I am slowly added this “diet” to other areas of my life as well. So at different occasions I have said to myself:

Nothing tastes as good as a penis in my vagina feels.

Nothing tastes as good as a penis no where near my bottom feels.

Nothing tastes as good as a penis no where near my mouth feels.

I don’t know Possums, they loved the first one, but not the last two.

Funny, non?

p.s. No, I can’t read Japanese. But, a non-wise woman always said that if you want to learn a new language sometimes you have to use the closest (and cheapest) things you have on hand.

No, I didn’t say that.

It was my mother.

But of Course!!!

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