God made the world in seven days, but if you leave it up to certain people, you would think He created haute-couture designs for Adam and Miss Evie to wear on the eighth day.

I checked.

He did not.

But, what He did create (after they realized that they were nekkid), were these deh-vine bunch of bushes. Green, Possums, were always in season, it seems.  So, I got to thinking what would it be like if I were to go back to that Biblical, yet simpler time.

1. Do like Rachel from “Friends”, just dance! Dance nekkid! Dance nekkid in all your glory, I say! When your roommate, or your beloved goes on out turn on your favorite tune and shake it on out. My favorite song to shake to is “River Deep, Mountain High”. Something about Tina’s sounds of desperado in hitting all those high notes really gets me going. And Possums, don’t tell anyone, but I am known to shake out my hair to and fro like a wilderbeast on crack! Nary a hair has ever flew off though, but I know that even Miss Beyonce or Miss Fierce, whatever she is calling herself these days would be a little jelly. Now, let’s watch:

2. Why not do your housework in the nude, like I do! Nothing, is better than having the breeze flow under your bosoms, under the pit of your arms, and around your crotches. Talk about homemade Febreeze!

3. My favorite time to be a nudist is when your beloved pisses you off! Oh, such naughtiness, such prowess, such power! They will be so overwrought that they won’t know what to do with themselves! I know what you should do with yourself-bend ova!

4. If you and your beloved are not on the rocks, why not cook up a decadent meal for two and if for three…well, done you! Make sure that you stay away from hot things (such as curries) and food items that are too crusty. You don’t want to spend the whole night try to pluck out crust from underneath your breasts or from your hair down there. Not that I have done this before.

It is just a for instance.

I would try to stay with Gazpacho or Vichyssoise, the only hot things should be your love for each other.  Or what about, the Korean delicacy-Pine Nut Rice Soup.  Honey, if you have any allergies, I feel sorry for you! You know that I have a real loving for some Hot nuts! And remember Possums, to please keep everything groomed. No one likes a side of furry overgrown bush with a side of baby back pork ribs!

5. Why not end the night cuddling up with each other on the sofa.  No throws though, so that you can get off on each other. Why not watch something educational or inspirational, like my fav “Forrest Gump.” It should be nothing to bring on the juices too quickly, so no pornos…nor, anything with Kim Kardashian (my new girl crush), George Clooney, nor Brad Pitt, nor Benicio Del Toro. Nothing where you will want to drink their bathwater and not his. In the end, the only uplifting thing should be his, member!

Darn Tootin’!

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