Inside Mcdonald’s McCafe

Philadelphia, PA

Oh, Possums, how have I missed thee? Let me count all the ways!

1, 2,3…infinity!

I have been on the road and I have finally touched down.

So, now that I am here, I have decided to get down with the locals.

Well, not really.

I really couldn’t go another month without having a McDonald’s Sausage and Egg McMuffin, with a Medium Coke and the extra hash brown…and I figure, isn’t Mickie D’s the one place where locals come together locally to blend with other locals?

Non?

Did you know that you can get a side of sausage with your internet? Who knew? And I thought you can only get those things together, in the privacy of your own home!

I am on vacation in Philly, and my Aunt does not own a computer, hence no internet, either! God must have felt my anguish, cause he sent my cousin over to tell me that you can use McDonald’s McCafe’s internet for free.

Possums, it’s a funny thing when you speak proper English, and people from other parts of North America don’t understand you. I mean I know I am speaking the “Queen’s English”, so common! But, since I don’t have the proper twang I sound like a foreigner. I never had to repeat myself so many times upon ordering, that the girl ended up giving me what I asked for.

Twice.

As I waited for my laptop to power up, I caught myself watching two little girls that were left unattended, while their mother ordered their food. I thought to myself, what a bad mother, for leaving her children unattended, but then they started hooting and hollering, while kept on spinning around on those plastic chairs. So, um, I could see why she wanted them left alone!!! I could have sworn I saw a tinge of something, maybe a little regret, that they were still there when she got to the table, but that still didn’t stop her from yelling at them. They say, Possums, that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, not in this case! Never have I ever seen children practically savage the tray! She gave them a nice clap on their hands and a good spoken too! As she sat down we exchanged glances. It was one of knowing, I think.

Our drive down wasn’t too bad. I was really tired though cause I drove all the way by myself. I am not going to lie, but when I was like 20 minutes from Toronto, I wanted to turn back. If it was Buffalo, then fine, that it only an hour and a half, but Philadelphia, is like eight hours. And let me tell you Possums, you DO feel all of the eight hours wearing on your body!

In order to get to my Aunt’s house, we had to drive through mid-town Philadelphia.

I saw architecture.

Ava saw broke-down houses.

I saw art on the walls.

Ava saw graffiti.

I saw a man peeing on the side of a building.

Ava saw widespread bacteria and fungus.

I saw pot holes the size of the planet Your-anus.

Ava saw pot holes the size of the planet Your-anus.

I love going to Aunt Sheren’s house in Philly. It is like going on vacation. Seriously. Your bed gets made; you get a cooked breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs every morning. And I am talking about the good bacon. And if you think there is not a difference, honey have you really looked at your pizza lately? You also get her famous fried chicken on your first evening there. Possums, when you bite into this woman’s chicken breast…well let me tell you I have heard stories of Colonel Sanders’ spirit waking her out of dead sleep, just for the recipe!

My Aunt has had a tough couple of years. Her house burnt down last year, and they had to live in a hotel. And then right when everything was slowly getting better, she got the Cancer of the Colon. She said that one day that she went in for a routine check-up and they found it. She went to five doctors, to prove to the other four that they were wrong. But, no they were right. She was lucky Possums.

I think that when I go home, I am going to get my doctor to get someone to check the hole of my ass too. I am understandably nervous about something going into it. It is virgin territory after all, but I heard they put you to sleep, so it is not like in some situations you have to brace yourself and then they gain entry.

And it saved a life.

It saved my Aunt.

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