Possums, I woke up blind, but now I can see!

Player, read on!

This morning, I woke up to find myself having a migraine. So, I decided instead of taking medication for it, I will just eat the pain away. I decided to make myself my usual Sunday fare of chopped bacon, with diced red onions, red pepper, green pepper, sautéed spinach, and a waffle, drizzled with a teaspoon of table syrup, for taste. All this and it was just an omelet!

I had a great idea to make one for Ava, so I started walking towards her bedroom. All of the sudden, my left eye went black! I couldn’t see anything out of it! I rubbed it and I rubbed it, thinking that maybe a false eyelash fell in it. But, then I remembered that I wasn’t wearing any!

“Ava! Ava!”

“Taylor?”

“I can’t see!”

“What?” she screamed as she flung back her comforter.

“Whose Taylor?” I asked.

“What do you mean you can’t see?” she cried out.

“I can’t see from my left eye. It is all black.”

“Black?”

“Yes, Black!”

She came around the bed and followed me out of the bedroom, as I scrambled to find my phone.

“Hello?”

“I’m blind,” I told my mother.

“What do you mean you are blind?”

“I can’t see from my left eye, Mom.”

“Lawd, Jesus! Speak to your sister.”

“What’s wrong,” asked Charro.

“She blind! She blind! Oh, Jesus, she blind!” screamed my mother in the background.

“Shh, I can’t hear what she has to say. Tell me what happened,” said my sister.

“I woke up and made my breakfast.”

“Huh, huh.”

“I made an omelet with chopped bacon, diced red onions, red pepper, green pepper, sautéed spinach, and a waffle, drizzled with a teaspoon of table syrup, for tas-”

“She blind! She blind! She blind! What is she saying? Give me back the phone!” screamed my mother from the background.

“Lucresia, do you want your brother to come over and drive you to the hospital?” she asked.

“No, I don’t want to put him out of the way. It is his weekend without the kids. I will just take a cab. I feel it is easier that way.”

“It wouldn’t be any trouble. I could just shake him out of his sleep.  He came in only a few hours ago, and he shouldn’t be out all night either, so it will serve him right! But, if you insist go ahead and take a cab, but call me as soon as you see the doctor.”

“Okay.”

Possums, I tried to rush around and tidy up my place. I don’t know about you, but my mother always taught me that before you leave the house, especially if you are going to the hospital, you need to do two things-leave a clean house and wear clean-as-can-be underwear!

I think it is in the Bible somewhere.

“Miss Linton, I want you to stare straight ahead while I shine this light in your eyes. Look to your left and now I want you to look to your right. Look up and now look down,” asked Doctor Woman.

I complied.

“Now, I want you to stand up and read the chart behind you.”

“E…P…V…C,” I started off slowly.

Possums, I’m not going to lie. I got real scared. I could barely see the first couple of letters. And no way in the world could I even see the rest of the chart!

“Miss Linton, I want you to read the next line,” asked Doctor Woman.

“I can’t,” I told her.

“Try,” insisted Doctor Woman.

Is she like friggin’ kidding me!

“C…C…D…I don’t know the rest.”

“So, you’re telling me that you can’t read these letters?” asked Doctor Woman.

“Yes’m,” I responded.

“Well, how can this be?” asked Doctor Woman clearly dumbfounded.

My one good eye swept down over her hand. No engagement ring. No wedding ring either. Go figure. And then I had a thought-pardon my French Possums, but I hope this Beyotch knows I could read!

And then the Doctor Woman rubbed me so wrong, even further!

Her phone rang.

“Hello, Sam. I have a patient here. I am not sure what is going on here. She can’t see out of her left eye. She is a bit…odd.”

Ava looked at me from the stool beside my bed.

Odd?

Odd?

What is odd is after all those years of schooling your Doctor Woman’s ass should be a walking encyclopedia!

I thought I heard chuckling from behind the curtain.  I peaked around the corner of my curtain and all eyes were on me! All thirty of them! Possums, I didn’t realize that I was putting on an Off-Broadway show!

“Yep. Her case is odd.”

Wow. Was my family right all these years?

“Do you think that we should put her on steroids, Sam?” asked Doctor Woman.

Steroids!

Steroids!

Possums, won’t that make me grow a penis?

“I agree with you. I think that it is safer if I refer her to see a neurologist and to an ophthalmologist.”

“Well, Miss Linton, we both think that you either have optic neuritis or your eye had a migraine. We are going to send you to see a neurologist and an ophthalmologist,” said Doctor Woman.

“That’s it? You are going to send me into the world with only one eye? Wow!”

“Well, your appointment is for tomorrow and it should get better with the drops that I placed in your eyes. If there is a turn for the worst, then I want you to come back right away and see me. Good Luck to you,” she finished handing over a prescription for the pain.

Afterward, there we were driving home in the taxi-Me, Ava and my one eye. And then I remembered something.

“Ava, remember this morning when you called out the name Taylor?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, who the hell is Taylor and don’t lie to me girl!”

“When you came screaming into the room, I was in the middle of dreaming about Taylor Lautner,” she sighed.

“Oh. Well, how big is he?” I asked.

“Big?”

“Well, did you see it?”

“See what?”

“His Long Duck Dong! How far did you get?”

“No, I didn’t get to see it. We were just holding hands. It was amazing.”

“Oh, that’s all.”

I looked outside the taxi’s window, taking in the cool air.

“Was his hands big at least?”

“I think so.”

“Now we’re talking!”

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