Possums, I have something between my legs and it is hot!
Actually it is my heating pad that I keep on my thighs for pain. I love this thing! However, once I fell asleep with it on and then I must have turned over…
Hot damn!
Let’s just say that a curling iron isn’t the only thing that could singe off hair!
I use the heating pad for pain relief. Unfortunately, it is not pain from hours of hours of glorious sex, but from my illness. Speaking of which, I finally got some idea …

“Dad! What’s wrong?”
Possums, I found my dad crying with his head in his hands.
Today is my mother’s birthday.
“It’s your mother,” said my dad turning to me with tears in his eyes.
The only time I saw my dad cry was when my he lost his father, mother and his two brothers.
He still has one left.
I don’t think he will cry for this one though.
They hate each other.
“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” I asked him.
“Yes. She is fine,” he replied.
“Aww…you are crying because it is her birthday?” I asked him as I …

Possums, you know when people talk to me about their children and tell me the funny things that they do? Well, my usual reply is always, “Ahhh, I missed that! That’s so cute!”
Well, never again!
I was asked to watch over my niece Danique while my sister took Ava and Dante out for some gourmet ice cream.
Possums, can I just say that Danique is tres adorable!
Like me!
But, unlike me, Danique likes surprises and if you know me Possums, I hate surprises!
I remember exactly where I was when my sister told me …

“What the hell?”
I had taken my sister to IKEA to pick up a bookcase that she fell in love with online. We were standing in front of the display, while her daughter slept peacefully in her car seat.
“Charro, I can’t lift this! This is heavy!”
“Well, I can’t lift this either! Can’t we get an IKEA person to help us?” she asked me.
“No, that’s why they call it SELF-SERVE!” I told her.
And then I saw two guys a yonder. One was short light-skinned and the other was tall and dark. Both …

Oh, Possums.
Oh, my Possums.
Oh, my, my, my, Possums.
There is a phrase that Jamaicans like to say, “never follow fashion.”
In English, it means, “never follow fashion.”
I was getting ready to pick up my sister Charro from her home that she shares with my parents. I promised to take her to IKEA to pick up a new bookcase.
The cell phone rang.
“I am already on my way,” I told her.
“I need to tell you something,” she said pausing for the effect.
“Oh, my goodness! Is it Dad?” I asked her.
“No, nerd!”
“Is it Mom?” I …

Peely-Wally (p’lee wollee)
Meaning: Mid-19th century origin. The phrase heard mostly in the Scottish Lowlands and Northern England. Used a lot by Jamaicans.  The expression may be an elaboration of “pale”, sickly, or feeling ill.
Example: I can’t have sex cause I am feeling a bit peely-wally. No, that still doesn’t mean that I could just lie there while you do your business. I ain’t no toilet!
Possums, don’t tell anyone, but do you know for many years I thought this word meant “penis”.  I use to hear my mother use it …

Possums, I like to cuss.
I am one of those very few people who like to.
I kind of take pride in the fact that I could cuss in many languages and dialects. I am like a drunken sailor who has been around the world and many ports, though without the many women, bastard children, and tetanus shots!
However, I think that I have finally met my match!
Possums, they say that sometimes God let’s you see the error of your ways. He may turn around and feed you Key Lime Pie, which may …