For some reason, my self-imposed Food Inc. Diet is not working!
I cook the bacon with my eggs for breakfast and then I sit down at the table, as usual. And when I am finished my food, I sop up the eggs with a piece of bread (whole wheat, of course), and THEN I remember that I am not suppose to eat anything that had a snout before it landed on my plate.
And then I think to myself, “the poor delicious thing”, as I wipe the corner of my mouth with …

I know that the “Five Stages” are supposed to be helpful when dealing with grief.
But, I ask you, could that be applied to any type of grief?
Stage One-Denial
“Spinach, again?” I asked yesterday, as I watched Ava sit down with another plate of spinach in front of her.
Stage Two-Anger
This is getting ridiculous!
But, let me tell you how I could never get Miss Ava to eat even an ounce of spinach before, let alone look at it!
Possums, I don’t even think she likes the color green!  Now, don’t get me wrong, I …

Yes, Possums, shoot me dead! The woman, also known as my mother, is now wearing skinny jeans!
It is enough to make my eyes water!
And now I have to take her to discount designer places, you know the places that say they are discount designer, but there are nothing “designer” about them.
“What’s wrong with this one?” I asked.
“It is not showing enough skin!” my mother replied. “Do they carry any leather tops? I want to feel sexy.”
“Mom, what are you into dominatrix, stuff?”
“What is that?” she asks.
Ava answered, “It is when …

I love me some Moss.
Always.
So, while I was languishing under my doctor’s care, and at the time making a pit stop in my zebra-filled bathroom, I  looked down at my bamboo basket that is filled with new and vintage magazines and saw Kate Moss smoldering back at me.
While I was in the hospital, I heard that Miss Moss made a little comment in an interview with fashion tribe Women’s Wear Daily.
Miss Moss reminded us all that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”
Top Drawer!
And although, she designs for Topshop which …

So I gave up smoking.
Which was becoming my favorite thing to do.
And I am not happy about it!
Who knew that such a small stick in my mouth could bring me such pleasure!
Who also knew that it would take my physical coming up with the insurance company to make me finally stop!
Do you think it will clear out of my system soon? It is not like they can check if there is any smoke residue in my urine, can they? If this is true, then there are going to be a …

I was sitting on the toilet in my Zebra and Buddha filled bathroom, when I glanced at my bamboo basket filled with old fashion magazines. And lo and behold, there was Ms. Keira Knightley smiling at me. And you know what she said to me?
She said, “Girl, I am HUNGRY!!!!”
“Girl,”I says to her, “ME TOO!!!”
“But, unlike you, Lucresia, I have an image to uphold. Karl Lagerfeld don’t make fat clothes for Chanel, and I wouldn’t feel right if only two knobs of my twenty-four knobs of my spine showed,” she …

First came off the earrings.
Then my shoes, cause we all know that being barefoot gives you better traction.
I had just enough time to contemplate whether or not to take off the toe ring.
If the tracks of my weave could come out then I would do that too.
I lifted both my breasts out of my bra, so that my large bosoms can help out when they could.
I did take my rings off my finger cause it would not be fair.
They say that when you are near the end of your life …